Vasectomy

Charlie wanted a new birth control method and his doctor suggested a vasectomy. Charlie agreed and the doctor said he could perform the operation in his office. At a crucial moment during the procedure one of Charlie's testicles fell to the floor, and the nurse, who was wearing high heels, accidentally stepped on it and crushed it.

However, the doctor noticed a jar of pickled onions on his nurse's desk. Taking an onion, and realizing it was the right size and weight, he placed it in Charlie's scrotum and completed the operation. A few months later Charlie returned for a check up.

When the doctor asked how things were going, Charlie replied, "Pretty good, Doc. At least my wife's not pregnant, but there are some strange side effects: Everytime we make love, my wife gets heartburn; when I pee my eyes water; whenever I pass a hamburger stand, I get an erection.