Final Confessions

A man is on his death bed with his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath he tells her that there are two times he suspects she cheated on him and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies.

Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything ... the full truth.

"Well first," she begins, "remember when you lost your job and a week later you got it back with a big raise?"

He slowly nods understandingly.

Then she tells him, "Do you remember when the IRS was going to do the big audit on you and a week later they dropped the audit and gave us a big refund instead?"

He again weakly nods in understanding.

Then he strains to ask, "Were there any more times that you cheated on me."

Even more hesitantly, she says "Yes dear. There was just one more time."

"Ohhhh," he sighs in agony. "You must tell me."

"Ok ... but only because you insist, dear," she stammers. "Remember the time when you were elected president of the golf club, but you were so sure you were going to lose by 23 votes?"

"Oh yes ... I remember," winced the dying old man. SUDDENLY, he shot up in his bed and exclaimed, "DAMN ... and I won by 45 votes!!"