The Beverly Hillbillies - Bobbit

You must sing this to yourself to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies to get the full effect!)

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out of the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.

Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong"
"A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need"
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny peed.
Whizzed, that is.
Even seam. Straight stream.

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape.
Video, that is.
Unexposed. Case Closed.

Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?