To My Dear Wife,

During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed often.

1. The sheets are clean ............................. 54 times
2. It is too late ................................... 17 times
3. Too tired from shopping all day .................. 49 times
4. It is too early .................................. 20 times
5. It is too hot .................................... 15 times
6. Pretending to be asleep .......................... 15 times
7. The neighbors will hear us......................... 3 times
8. Headache ......................................... 22 times
9. Sunburn ........................................... 7 times
10. Your Mother will hear us .......................... 9 times
11. Not in the mood .................................. 43 times
12. You will wake the baby ........................... 17 times
13. Watching the late show ........................... 6 times
14. New Hairdo ....................................... 5 times
15. Too sore ......................................... 16 times
16. Wrong time of month .............................. 36 times
17. Have to get up early ............................. 19 times

Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 2 times you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.