Monica's Diary

Entry 1

Dear Diary,
I'm so excited! Just got a job as an intern at the White House.... and I don't know a thing about medicine. Don't even know what my duties are yet, but I hope it's a "hands on" position.

Entry 2

Dear Diary,
You won't believe this! I snuck into the Oval Office when no one was looking. But then I dropped one of my contacts. So, I got down on my hands and knees and was looking for it when-guess what-the president walked in. He said, "You must be the new intern." That man is psychic! I hope he likes me.

Entry 3

Dear Diary,
I think the president likes me. Today he dropped his contacts on the rug and asked me to find them.

Entry 4

Dear Diary,
He really likes me.

Entry 5

Dear Diary,
I have been sent to the stupid Pentagon to work. It is such a drag. Like they're going to put me in charge of heat-seeking missiles or something. But I still talk to my Bubba-cakes on the phone. He calls me "1-900 Monica." (That means he thinks I'm one in nine hundred. That's pretty special.)

Entry 6

Dear Diary,
I met a really nice girl today. Her name is Linda. She's really cool except for that clown hair. Has she ever heard the word "conditioner?" She looks like Mrs. Ronald McDonald.

Entry 7

Dear Diary,
I think Linda is hard of hearing. She keeps asking me to speak louder whenever we go out for a quiet dinner.

Entry 8

Dear Diary,
Oh-oh. The bad news: I've been subpoenaed. The good news is that Vernon Jordan is my new best friend. I'm going job hunting with him tomorrow.

Entry 9

Dear Diary,
I had to give an affidavit in that stupid Paula Jones' case. What is she talking about? There are no distinguishing marks. And, by the way, I am way cuter than her. She looks like David Brenner in drag.

Entry 10

Dear Diary,
I've had it. I'm never going to be an intern again. I'm going back to Hollywood where they pay you for that kind of work.

Entry 11

Dear Diary,
Finally got home to L.A. and hugged Daddy so hard I thought I would I hope Spielberg will direct.