TOP 45 REASONS NOT TO HAVE SEX

1. The pitter patter of little feet
2. Never let 'em see you sweat
3. Your parents might realize that you're not 12 years old anymore
4. Naked men
5. Guilt, guilt, and GUILT
6. You might like it
7. Rhenquist, Scalia, Kennedy, Souter, Thomas
8. Paying back oral sex debts
9. Only pagans procreate
10. Castration
11. You might fall in lust or, Heaven forbid, love
12. Body hair
13. Too many lights on in the room
14. Your roommate and neighbors can't sleep with all that screaming
15. Axl Rose
16. Since that little Gulf War, there's no money left for research and treatment of those nasty little Sexually Transmitted Diseases
17. Why bother doing it yourself? Just buy the new Prince album
18. Pennsylvania Abortion Law
19. Utah Abortion Law
20. Alabama Abortion Law
21. Taking care of the orgasm deficit
22. Yeast infections
23. Too sticky
24. Messes up your hair
25. Charley Horses
26. Bladder infections
27. Cher
28. "It's only a cold sore"
29. Photographers with infrared cameras (remember, if it can be seen from a public place, it's not private)
30. Hetero men who ask "Did you come yet?"
31. SOMEBODY has to sleep in the wet spot
32. Taking off the jimmy-hat
33. In horror flicks, people having sex are always the first to be killed by axe murderers in hockey masks
34. The ever popular Eternal Damnation
35. Smegma
36. You still live with your parents
37. You love her but you're not *in love* with her
38. Creation of sounds not meant to be emitted by the human body
39. Drooling
40. Letters to the Editor
41. Calling out the wrong name
42. Potential threat to your political aspirations (unless you're a Kennedy)
43. Your brother gets home from school at 3:00
44. No one to have sex with
45. Carpet burn