Baked Beans

Once upon a time, I had a maddening passion for baked beans. I loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat odious reaction on me. Then one day I met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent we would marry, I thought to myself, she is such a sweet girl, she will never go for this kind of carrying on. So I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. We were married shortly thereafter.

Some months later, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since we lived in the country, I called my wife and told her I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way home, I passed a small cafe' and the odor of freshly baked beans was overwhelming, I had several miles to walk so I figured that the effects of the beans would wear off before I got home. So I stopped at the cafe' and had three orders of baked beans.

All the way home I putt-putted and after arriving, felt reasonably safe that I had putted my last putt. My wife seemed somewhat excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly. "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight." Then she blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the head of the table. I seated myself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, phone rang. She told me not to remove the blindfold until she returned, then went to answer the phone. I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. I took the napkin and fanned vigorously the air about me.

Things had just returned to normal when I felt another urge coming on me, so I shifted my weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true prize winner. While keeping my ear on the conversation in the hall, I went on like this for almost ten minutes until I knew the farewell meant the end of my loneliness and freedom. I placed the napkin on my lap and folded my hands on top of it and smiled contentedly to myself. I was the picture of innocence. When my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long, she asked if I had removed the blindfold. When convinced that I hadn't removed the blindfold, she removed the blindfold, and there sitting around the dining room table were twelve dinner guests for my suprise birthday dinner.