Sex Calorie Counter
ACTIVITY | CALORIES BURNED |
REMOVING CLOTHES | |
With partner`s consent | 12 |
Without partner`s consent | 187 |
UNHOOKING BRA | |
Using two calm hands | .7 |
Using one trembling hand | 36 |
GETTING INTO BED | |
Lifting partner | 15 |
Dragging partner along floor | 16 |
Using skateboard | 3 |
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS | |
For normal healthy man | 2.5 |
Losing erection | 14 |
Searching for it | 115 |
PUTTING ON CONDOM | |
With erection | 1.5 |
Without erection | 300 |
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM | |
If the woman who does it is | |
Experienced | 6 |
Inexperienced | 73 |
If a man does it (Add (5) calories for retrieving it from across the room) | 650 |
POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY | |
Italian- Man on top, woman in kitchen | 26 |
Russian- Woman on bottom, Man getting permission | 55 |
American- Both on top | 60 |
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE | |
Bouncing | 7 |
Sliding around | 9 |
Serious skidding | 12 |
Whiplash | 27 |
ORGASM | |
Real | 27 |
Faked | 160 |
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE | |
Shoes flew off | 35 |
Expression didn`t change | 1/2 |
Orchestra swelled | 6 |
Birds sang -- Large birds | 7 |
Small birds | 3 |
Earth moved | 30 |
PULLING OUT | |
After orgasm | 1/2 |
A few moments before orgasm | 500 |
PENIS ENVY | |
For woman | 3 |
For men | 72 |
GUILT | |
Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily, naturally | 53 |
You`re enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people are starving | 2 |
Sex on your lunch hour | 3 |
Putting it on expense account | 20 |
AGGRAVATION | |
Partner keeps showing plant | 5 |
Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay | 14 |
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time | 10 |
Partner is taking phone calls | 7 |
Partner is making phone calls | 40 |
GETTING CAUGHT | |
By partner`s spouse | 60 |
By your spouse | 100 |
Trying to explain | 55 |
Trying to remain calm | 100 |
Leaping out of bed | 75 |
Getting dressed in one motion | 500 |
Thanking partner quickly | 3 |