| WORD | MEANING |
| Athletic | Sits on the sofa and watches ESPN |
| Average looking | Average hair growth on ears, nose and back |
| Educated | Will always treat you like an idiot |
| Employed | On management track at Radio Shack |
| Financially Secure | I will spend so
in return for which I
to obey my every whim
of your moral life. |
| Free Spirit | Sleeps with your sister |
| Huggable | Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben |
| Professional | Owns a white button-down |
| Sensitive | Needy |
| Stable | Stalker, but never convicted |
| Thoughtful | Says "please" when demanding a beer |
| Young at heart | Pedophile |